*Hears noises at night*: Well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*Gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I going to go on holy shit
*Heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*A cop walks by*: Here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone I'm sure they know about when I smoked that one time
*Taking a test*: Don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school
*Gets a sunburn*: Skin cancer
At school...
Me: I hate you all, you're all idiots.
Me: Why is that person staring at me.
Me: Omg what would happen if a man just burst in the room with a gun. I would totally be the heroic person who sacrifices themselves for others.
Me: No I don't know the answer to this question. Oh god, the teacher's going to call on me. My hand is not raised. Oh god oh god oh god, leave me alone. Act busy, just act busy. Abort mission, I repeat, abort mission.
Me: My stomach jut growled. When the fuck is lunch.
Me: We should make a class Hunger Games. Where everyone dies.
Me: AND NOW MY PENCILS BREAKING, AND YOU ONLY WANT ME WHEN I'M TAAAKENNNN.
Me: No, seriously, never open your mouth again.
Me: Ew, my teacher has children. They're sexually active. I wonder when they had sex for the first time. I wonder if they did drugs as a teenager. I totally bet they did.
Me: Yeah, no, if a man walked in with a gun, I totally wouldn't sacrifice myself for these idiots. I would hide under my desk and tell him to just take them all.
Me: Seriously, it's only been a minute.
Me: I will never use this shit in my life.
